public poll post

[xatalantax]

[Poll #915636]

Comments

wrt the last question...

[julishka.livejournal.com]

the thing is though, knowing me, yeah i think i could, but knowing who my dating pool was and how some of them turned out, probably not. so it's not just about me, but about the other person, too. knowing what some of the guys i really liked and kinda dated at the time & would have loved to have a serious relationship with, i don't think there is one who i'd still want to be with. i know my changes, but i also know their changes, and it's those changes that have confirmed i was right to not have had a serious relationship with them.

does that make sense? maybe my answer should be no? but it's because of them, not me.

Re: wrt the last question...

[atalanta.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a yes to me since it's not really aimed at a specific pairing or dating pool. Sounds like you think you might have happily been with someone then and continued to be with them now, even if you didn't actually date the right person for it at the time. So yeah, that should be a yes.

For me .. I can't imagine being compatible with the same person then AND now, though I guess if you changed together in good ways it could work .. but it's really hard to imagine.

Re: wrt the last question...

[julishka.livejournal.com]

that's the rub, though, it totally depends on chance/the other person.

[amadea.livejournal.com]

I did have a serious relationship at college age, but I knew even then that it was not likely to be a lifelong thing - it felt very much like we were practicing on each other - kind of learning the ropes.

[iterum.livejournal.com]

"Other" for question 2: It last seven years, mostly long-distance. I still don't know whether being together in the same place would have made it work or made it end sooner.

[cris.livejournal.com]

when I was in college, I was involved in three relationships of significant length, one felt serious at the time, but compared to the relationships I had after I graduated, it was pretty superficial. The other two were one-sided, with one of us being intensely infatuated, but the other wasn't really invested in the affair.

I'm pretty sure that two of them wouldn't have lasted. They were relationships of convenience; existing on a temporary equilibirium of physical attraction and a desire to avoid being alone. One might have lasted longer than it did, but the other person took her life on a path that I wouldn't have been willing to follow and I know that she wouldn't have sacrificed her plans to accomodate me ... even if I were armed with the experience that I possess now and didn't approach that relationship as foolishly as I did then.

[curtana.livejournal.com]

I think perhaps it makes a difference that forthright is four years older than me. I have a very hard time imagining still being with any of the guys my own age or a year or so older that I dated before he and I got together - which, I realized with a bit of shock yesterday, was nine years ago right around this time of year. I was 19 when we started dating, and now I'm 28. It seems like forever, and at the same time, not very long ago at all.

[brigid.livejournal.com]

no the relationships would not have lasted, though for the most part i have remained friends with the other halves.

[cyclotron.livejournal.com]

Normally, when someone asks the last question you asked I say no. My college gf and I were friends, and remained regular-hangout friends for about 5 years after the break up. Her engagement and marriage ended that. The person I am today could date the person she was then. But I am not so sure I could date the person she is now.

Looking back, I am glad for all the break ups. Being single allows for much more randomness, chaos, and adventure. And growth individually. Plus, once you have kids, every day is about the kids (which is not a bad thing, just different).

Recently, and strangely, my high-school gf and I are talking via email. Not sure what to make of that. We havent talked for twenty years.

[spitcurl.livejournal.com]

My current relationship is actually more like my college relationship than any other I have had. In fact I knew this person in school when I was in that previous relationship, but not closely.

My college relationship lasted 3 years well, and close to one rocky year not well. It ended for very fundamental reasons -- we progressed on similar paths together, and we grew apart when those paths diverged. It was in knowing that I wanted something different than he did (not in detail but in an abstract/insuitive way), which caused me to pull away, and it was painful to break off because he was my best friend. Though I did desire to bring him with me on the path I wanted, I realized it wasn't for him. We re-met last year, and it was very obvious we had made the right choice then (he is still adamant about not wanting marriage or kids), although the visit was enjoyable. If we were more able to communicate our needs & wants back then, it would have ended less messy, but I blame that on our maturity.

It was very clear to me then that I was not ready to settle down, but I did know then that I desired it in the future, and I had just the opposite scenario with my college SO. (Mellow monogamy, but no real desire for family)

Actually, I have thought about my current SO, and the fact that had things been different, we may've dated back in college instead of now. But based on all we have been through on our own in the years between then & re-meeting, it also seems clear that we are a successful couple now because of those years in between, & learning from our mistakes along the way, and growing up. Actually, I think he was one of that type of shy boys I crushed on back then but were too clueless to respond to me (or most girls), but has grown up into a confident man with experience, not unlike many of our own once-shy male friends. :) I am about 95% sure that it never would have worked, had we dated in college, because we both had to much to sort out on our own first.

...Which makes me wonder how much love is based on timing, rather than a concept of "soul mates".

[spitcurl.livejournal.com]

"Intuitive" way. bad spelling. :P

Also I abhor the term "settle down," but it was the easiest to grab and describe my meaning, without another essay on the topic on its own.